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UPSTREAM: The Thinning from YouTube Red

As always we scan all the available streaming and cable services looking for those movies you may have missed the first time around.  I remember seeing the trailer for The Thinning before it came out, and kudos to their marketing department they made it look worth watching.  I didn’t get a chance to see it when it came out and I actually don’t even remember hearing about it when it was released.  This may have been some good karma coming my way that I mistakenly chose to undo today.  Before I get any further, I’m just going to let you know that The Thinning is a steaming pile of poop…it is one of the worst movies I’ve ever reviewed for this series.  You can stick around while I make my point about the movie or you an call it quits now as long as you promise NOT to waste anytime on this poor excuse for entertainment.

I’m sorry you had to watch this movie.

The basic premise of this movie is interesting.  Due to overpopulation and dwindling resources, the world has agreed to reduce their populace by 5% each year.  America has chosen to do this through testing (nicknamed “The Thinning”) and by executing the lowest grades after each yearly test.  That is where the interesting part ends.  They obviously took a great pitch and drew it so thin that there just wasn’t any story to be had.

This man is trying to stop you from watching this horrible movie.

I didn’t realize this film starred YouTube darling and all around douche-bag Logan Paul.  If you don’t know who he is, count yourself lucky…but for those who do it is no mystery how he landed this role considering how much money his buffoonery has made YouTube.  I think the only thing more ridiculous than a video content maker starring in a motion picture is his comb over hair cut and the terrible wardrobe he wore that must be out of his own closet.  That and we are supposed to believe he is smart enough to have survived all these tests through high school.  Saying he can’t act would be almost like stating that he is acting in the first place…he wanders through his scenes like a vain person looking at their own reflection in a window.  Besides Disney tween sweetheart Peyton List (Jessie, Diary of a Wimpy Kid) the rest of the casting is an odd hodge podge of strange choices including the mildly crazy and self hating Stacey Dash (Clueless) and Kiersten Warren (Bicentennial Man, Desperate Housewives).

Every sinking ship must have it’s captain.  The person in charge of the unmitigated poop-nado is Michael Gallagher.  You know you are in trouble when your movie is being directed by someone who’s bio on IMDB starts with, “Michael Gallaagher is one of the leading trans-media writer/directors with over 1 Billion views on his online videos, collaborations and viral marketing campaigns.”…yeah if I was a studio I would want a viral video producer spending my money when it comes to fine entertainment, but then the “studio” here is YouTube…remember they made billions off of cat videos, bum fights, and whatever the latest internet trend is from planking to the ice bucket challenge.   Michael needs to take a step back from motion pictures and maybe stay in his safe zone with Grumpy Cat and fathers getting hit in the nuts with baseballs.

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Michael Gallagher directs the riveting “mime sequence”…jk, there is nothing nearly that interesting in this movie.

I will call this done here…I don’t need to go into the open final scene this film optimistically gave itself so we could all not enjoy the sequel or how the entire premise is thrown out at the end for a surprise “twist” ending.  The Thinning is exactly that thin…thin on substance, plot, talent, and any direction whatsoever…spare yourself and DO NOT watch this film.

I hope you all love me just a little bit for taking this bullet for you 😉

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Trust Me, I'm a Superhero

About skulldouggary

Evil genius and future ruler of this puny planet.

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